Ten Back-to-School Commandments

Hear, O Parents/Guardians! Just in time for the new school year, a delivery of bits and bytes from Mt. Funderstanding to guide you in your back-to-schooling.

Thou shalt not “friend” your children’s teachers on Facebook.

Nor shalt thou make mention of those teachers on Facebook, nor gossip about classmates or school personnel electronically, for that way danger lies.

Neither shalt thou “Check In” at your child’s school.

Google is thy source of information; you should worship no other sources. Thou shalt not direct your offspring to the “card catalog” or to “check the encyclopedia.” For thy offspring have Google, and Bing, and Yahoo.

The “new math” is now just “math.” Yea, it stopped being new years ago, so thou shalt drop the anachronistic adjective.

Remember the weekend, the afterschool hours, and the vacations, and keep them open. For your offspring are but children, and they must be given time to goof off.

Thou shall not cut the pick-up line at dismissal time. For even thy Kindergarteners know:  No Cut-sies Allowed.

Do not pack a stinky lunch for a new student’s first day, lest that child be named “Stinky Lunch Kid.”

Thou shalt not covet thy friend’s child’s class assignment. Thou gettest what thou gettest, and thou doesn’t get upsettest.

Honor your teaching staff. Honor your speech therapists, your physical education instructors, your media specialists. Honor your crossing guards, your lunch servers, your assistant principals. Honor your recess aides, your music teachers, your foreign language instructors, so that happy and productive may be the days of your child’s school year.

About the author -

Alison Minion

Alison Minion is a writer and editor. In addition to Funderstanding, she has contributed to vitaljuicedaily.com, the New Jersey Jewish News and other publications. She served as the editor for the Union County (NJ) Bar Association centennial commemorative yearbook. Before leaving the publishing industry to stay home with her children, Alison was an editor of children’s nonfiction and textbooks. As an editor, much of her time was spent sitting down with a manuscript and a red pencil, researching the marketplace and reading the competition. The most valuable on-the-job training, however, was the time spent visiting schools, debriefing educators, and watching children consume texts and process material. In her life as a freelancer, she does this now most evenings while her own three sons complete their homework.